I love my father, I really do. We've come a long way in our relationship. More importantly, I've come a long way in understanding his limitations and setting boundaries for myself. But sometimes, I still think the only way to deal is to enter the witness protection program.
Yesterday I got an two emails, which came over my Crackberry, that definitely sent me to that mindset. The first email was a forwarded flight itinerary - it indicated that my dad and his new wife are coming to visit in late April. The second email said, "I forgot to mention something on the phone the other day... ".
Why in the heck does ANYONE think it is appropriate to make travel plans AND BOOK PLANE TICKETS without speaking with the intended visitee first?! I truly don't mind them coming to visit but it really makes me mad that he does it with asking me first. It is just one more slap in the face that my wants, needs, and feelings are not important to him. Not only are they not important - I honestly don't think he even considers it, that it even crosses his mind. And THAT is the part I cannot help but respond to - even though I know that this is a long standing, unchangeable facet of our relationship.
This is sadly one of those times when I can not expect to change his behavior. I desperately wish that we could have a genuine, productive conversation that wouldn't deteriorate into accusations and manipulations.
But expectations like that only result in our relationship being damaged and my emotions being trampled all over. In cases like this, I must accept that I can not control his behavior. I can only control my response to it. I can only set up boundaries that will hopefully reinforce that my wants and needs are important - even if I'm the only one who gets that message.
I was already planning to take myself on vacation sometime in April/May. I guess now I've picked the weekend.
Spencer is ONE MONTH Old
9 months ago