This past Saturday I cancelled my birthday party - BEST DECISION EVER.
I have a number of friends, but they all travel in different circles. Every year I try to plan a birthday get together that they can all come to and enjoy - because all I want for my birthday is to be surrounded by my friends. But every year what really happens is that I get completely stressed out - picking a venue they'll all enjoy, worrying about certain friends being civil to each other, and the ever lingering fear that no one will actually show up. (No, its never happened - but it could!)
This year, with it being the Big 3-0 and all, I felt even more pressure. Pressure to make it extra fun or extra special... but in reality, I didn't really want to be celebrating it at all. I realize that age is just a number and that I'm still relatively young. I have never been one to care about my age - but 30 snuck up on me and whacked me over the head with some kind of severe hormonal craziness.
I've spent the last 2 months in various stages of hysteria about the impending doom of this day.
And the last 6 weeks desperately trying to plan a party for it.
And this past Saturday I was on the phone with Kass (yes, we are attached at the cell phone) lamenting the fact that I still hadn't picked a location for the party that I made everyone reserve this coming weekend to attend. I have no "favorite bar" anymore - I rarely go to anything besides a local neighborhood pub. We went to my favorite restaurant last year on my birthday. Plus, half my friends are pregnant - so that adds a whole new level of difficulty to planning a fun night out.
"I hope you are getting lots of sleep this week and making up your couch - cause I am sure to be crying on it come Saturday night", I told her laughingly.
But I was completely serious - that is how I foresaw the evening ending.
No alternative actually.
And that is when it hit me - I really do not want to have this birthday party.
Not the birthday itself - I'm resigned to that coming whether I want it to or not!
But I really didn't want to have a big birthday party.
And when I thought about it a little more... when I envisioned a different plan... I was surprised by how I felt:
And now, here my new and improved Birthday Week plans!
Monday: I actually got up today and for the first time really believed that I might make it through my birthday week without a meltdown. One day down! :D
Tuesday: Lunch with Thorn - we are having Ethiopian! I am soooooo excited to meet her! Then, therapy - which always puts me in a good mood! And then dinner with an old coworker/friend at one of my favorite spots in my old neighborhood. I can't wait to catch up with her! Its been too long.
Wednesday: I called my college girlfriends Melanie and Alida and asked them if they and their significant others were busy on Wednesday. They were both initially surprised with my new scheme, but readily agreed to dinner at a pub - Mel's husband is currently looking for a place where bagpipers will be playing.
Thursday: Lunch with co-workers - yay for long lunch hours!
Saturday: I will still get together for drinks with Kass and my good friend Sarah and her boyfriend. They are my "non married/non pregnant" friends and they get along smashingly so it will be a great low key night.
I'm hoping this awesome week of celebrating will kick off an amazing year (decade) of me doing more of what makes me happy and less of what stresses me out!
Kass says I'm really ready to be 30 now. ;)
Bring it on!
Spencer is ONE MONTH Old
5 months ago