I'm Just This Girl

So, the name of my blog.... Where did it come from?

Well, I've found myself saying 'I never wanted to be "That Girl'!" a lot recently. My good friend Kass and I were just talking about it the other day - who "that girl" is in our minds.

We all probably have a "that girl" in our lives. I've heard it refer to a variety of subgroups.

My definition of "That Girl" has changed over time as well, although its always been a variation of the same idea. In Junior High/High School, "that girl" was desperate, needy, and needed to be validated all the time. She drew attention to all her imperfections - even though she rarely had any glaring ones. Called herself "fat" - just so that someone else would tell her she was skinny. She was never okay unless she was dating someone.

In college, "That Girl" was the girl who was on the prowl for a husband. I went to a small, private, christian college where a majority of girls proudly declared they were there to get their "MRS." degree. From the first days of freshman orientation there were plenty of girls eyeing the guys to see which one might be her future beloved.

Shortly after college, where my best friends and I had all managed to get out without engagement rings, the desperation of "That Girl" intensified. This time, as we all neared our mid to late 20's - the desperation for a boyfriend/husband hit an all time fevered pitch among my peers. When none of us was engaged by 25, I thought some of my friends would have nervous break downs. Not kidding.

And yet, somehow through it all, I seemed to remain relatively unconcerned.

Please don't get me wrong - I want to get married. I want to have a family. I never really intended to have a career. I would have been perfectly happy to be barefoot and pregnant by now.

It was the desperation factor that always bothered me. The feeling that a person couldn't be "whole" or "enough" unless they were being validated by some factor outside of herself that I couldn't stomach.

Well, now I am almost 30 - and I find that there is another kind of "That Girl" out there. And she is making me more nervous than the previous one.

The new "That Girl" is the one that everyone looks at and says, "I wonder why she's not married?" and "She's nice, pretty, smart and has a lot going for her... I wonder why she hasn't found a nice guy yet?" The one everyone looks at and wonders what kind of invisible deficit or barrier has prevented her from finding love.

I really don't want to be That Girl either - and I have waaaayy less control over this one. I can reign in my own neuroses - but I can't control the way other people see me.

And that really ticks me off.

So, what am I to do with all of this?

I should probably start by stop stereotyping all the other women around me... after all, if they are ultimately happy with themselves and their lives?

So, I will try not to use "That Girl" as a negative judgement. It simply represents other paths that I have not chosen - or that haven't chosen me... yet.

I will just be "This Girl".

And I will try to be okay with that.