Wild Ride

So, I was driving home from a friend's kids' birthday party tonight. I was WAAAY out in the suburbs and I was taking the side streets because its construction season here - BLAH!

So about 45 minutes into my drive (with at least another 30ish to go), I notice a car driving in front of me very slowly. Now, I have a lead foot and have no patience for traffic - so I change lanes to go around the car.

Just as I whoosh past the car I notice that it has a flat tire. Not just a low tire - a really flat tire. Flop, flop, flop kind of flat.

Now, I have been living on my own, far away from my family for over 10 years now. My brother lived somewhat near me for some of those years -but not for the last 5ish. So, I have a lot of experience with cars breaking down.

So, I slow down so that I can at least make sure that they get pulled over safely. I figure as soon as I see them pull over I can keep on keepin' on.

But they don't pull over.

So, I keep driving slowly. We are on a road without any shoulder to speak of, so I am figuring that the driver is hoping one will come up soon.

But after the car continues on past a couple of small business parking lots and such, I get more worried. I know how freaked out I got the first time I had a flat tire - I drove on it just long enough to completely ruin the rim. (Never made that mistake again!)

So, I slow down even more and keep driving super slow until I'm pretty sure the car is stopping. We both come to a stop and I back up far enough to not cause complete confusion to the other cars that are going to be coming up on us. It wasn't a super busy road, but I didn't want to have to get to far away from my car. I figured I'd just make sure the driver had a cell phone and someone to call and then I'd be on my merry way again.

But as I approach the car, the driver rolls down the window and I see a youngish girl and she looks pretty panicked. So, I approach her with a smile and my cell phone - I didn't want her to think I was a serial killer!

She spoke English pretty well, but it took me a couple times to really get her story. She's just moved into the area. She knew the tire was low, but had asked a co-worker where she could go to get that foamy stuff you can put in tires to make them last a little longer when they are low. But she never could find the place they'd directed her to and when her tire got really flat she just kinda freaked out. It was well after closing time for any tire places and I asked her if she had roadside assistance - Nope. I asked if she had anyone she could call to come get her. She didn't.

So, then I asked if she had a spare tire. I've never changed one completely by myself (lets be real - when a girl is changing her own tire on the side of the road, some guy always stops and takes over!) but I know how to do it! She didn't think she did, but I also knew that I never knew I had a spare tire until the first time I needed it. I told her to pop her trunk and that I'd check. Sure enough - there it was! She didn't have a jack, but I knew I did. I told her we'd get the spare put on and that would at least tide her over until tomorrow.

Of course, I didn't even get the jack completely situated under the car when a truck pulled up next to us with a young man and woman inside. They asked if we needed any help, to which I replied, "If you'd like to be the one to change this tire!". They laughed and backed up up to get behind us.

A short while later the guy had the lug nuts off and was working on wrestling the remnants of the tire off of the car when a police car finally pulls up behind the three of us! The policeman gets out and asks if everything is okay. We quickly explained the situation and he said he'd stick around with his flashing lights just to make sure no one got hurt since we were literally still in the road due to there being no shoulder.

We finally got the spare on and started loading all of the stuff back into our cars. I thought I was finally going to be getting on home albeit with a story to tell.

But, when the guy went back to turn on his engine - only to find it was dead! We'd been using their headlights to see during the tire changing and it had drained his battery! We all just busted out laughing - the cop included. The poor girl with the flat felt soooo bad! But we reassured her it wasn't a big deal.

I had jumper cables and the policeman blocked off our side of the road just long enough for me to pull a U-turn and get in between the other two cars. A few minutes later their truck was running! I joked that we could practically start our own auto shop here on the side of the road - I do need new brakes ya know?!

A few more laughs, thank you's, and we all made sure the girl with the flat knew where to go for a new tire tomorrow - then I was FINALLY on my way home!

Seriously, this kind of thing only happens to me right?

Mysterious Ways Indeed

Wow, long time no blog over here! I promise to get the rest of the pics from my week with Bug up soon. We had such a great time and I can't wait until she and lil Bean come stay with me for two nights in July - Double the Fun!

But I wanted to tell you guys about the awesome event that happened to me today. I'm so stinkin' thrilled!

First, you should know that I am HORRIBLE with money. My finances have been a mess since I graduated from college and was actually put in charge of my own bills. Truth be told, no one ever really taught me about money management. So, I sucked at it for a very long time - and I've been trying to dig myself out of that hole for the last 3 years or so. I live pretty much paycheck to paycheck and only recently even opened a savings account again. Since about February I've been doing slightly better. My bills are getting paid on a regular basis, I'm overdrawing my account less frequently, and I actually have money in a savings account! Yay me!

So then yesterday I went to the auto repair place to get an oil change. I was pretty excited that a $40 oil change wasn't causing me all kinds of stress over whether or not I could eat for the rest of this month. I was totally patting myself on the back for being so good with my money.

Then, the mechanic told me I need $400 new brakes and rotars.

UGH! I was so ticked off. It wasn't just that I needed to spend $400 - it was that it would pretty much wipe out my savings. The savings that was allowing me to not worry as much about paying my bills. The savings that was supposed to allow me to take a real vacation sometime this year. The savings that have helped to have less anxiety - which is greatly needed in my life.

To say I was upset would be an understatement.

But today I got a phone call from my old, old, old job. During a brief period of unemployment I'd got back to work at the preschool that I'd worked at during college and gradschool. Apparently, at some point during those couple months, there was a paycheck that I never cashed. So, they told me that they could reissue the check and I could come pick it up.

I wasn't too excited.

I expected it to be no more than about $80 - my daily rate of pay for substituting.

I mean, there has never been a time where I wasn't depending on every paycheck to get me through the week - especially since I was unemployed at the time!

I picked it up a few minutes ago.

It covers my brakes.

Completely.

Almost to the penny.

God is good.

The Surreal Life

No, not the reality TV show....

My life. For the past week anyways...

I feel like I've been keeping you all in the dark! I kept wanting to blog about it, seriously!

But at first it was so "new" and I didn't want to jump the gun.

Then it all started rolling so fast that my head was spinning.

Then I needed to make some serious decisions... still not totally sure of them yet.

Lastly, I couldn't decide WHERE to blog!

But I decided to start here because I know pretty much who reads this blog and I'm not too worried about you all judging me. So, here goes:

I have known about this program in my area for a while now - its very similar to Safe Families which you can read about on their website. Essentially, its like foster care - only the children are not in the system and the "foster parents" are all volunteer. Placements are very short term - no more than 90 days. The child's parents can choose to participate voluntarily and retain custody of their children at all times. The entire point of the program is to keep children out of foster care and families intact - which is something I can totally support.

I inquired about the program about a year ago when I first heard about it. But then I changed jobs and moved and life was all crazy. But then I felt pulled to look into it again recently. I've wanted to foster for a long time now, but the timing and my financial state just hasn't come together. (Aka - I can't afford a two bedroom apartment, which is required in my state. I'm jealous of Fosterhood and her state's less restrictive rules!) So, I sent in the inquiry form and received an email back asking to set up a time for a social worker to come to my apartment.

Surreal moment #1:

Last Wednesday I found myself frantically cleaning my house in preparation for a home visit.

Even though I KNOW that cleanliness is one of the last things that we actually care about, it just felt wrong not to do it!

So, the social worker came in - I'll call him Henry - and we talked for about an hour. This is where the world starting spinning. Essentially, because the program isn't part of DCFS, it isn't subject to their licensing standards. Which means that they have no problem with my one bedroom apartment being a "safe place" for kids. And, because I'm already finger printed, background checked, and trained (because of my job) Henry basically said I could be approved immediately.

I hadn't quite processed what that meant when Henry needed to head out. We wrapped things up and he said he'd be in touch soon. Which leads to...

Surreal moment #2:

At about 6pm last Wednesday I got a phone call from Henry - they had a 9 month old baby that needed placement and he wanted to know if I was interested.

I nearly had a panic attack. I had no supplies for a baby! I had work the next day - should I call in or work from home?! I had dinner plans that night - cancel or bring the baby?! I hadn't told a single person in my life about this - how would I suddenly explain a baby?!

But I told them I would do it if they couldn't find anyone else. Yes - SUCKER.

They found someone else for the baby that night. Thank goodness.

But in the last 5 days I have gotten THREE more calls for placement!

Friday - an 8 year old boy. I was at work when the call came in and by the time I returned it, they'd already found someone else.

Saturday - a teenage mom and baby, but once I explained my space issues they decided to keep calling around.

Today - a 17 year old boy, with the saddest story yet. I was pretty much their last resort - he's got some special circumstances that mean most homes couldn't have him placed. I was extremely hesitant - not for the same reason everyone else turned him down though. I'm just not sure how safe it would be for me - a single young woman - to have a teenage boy.

But in the end I said I'd be willing to talk about it further. Henry said they weren't even sure they could accept him into the program and he might end up in DCFS custody anyway.

I'm pretty much waiting by my phone at this point.

Meanwhile, I've been second guessing this whole thing... a lot. Not because I think I can't do it, and certainly not because I don't WANT to do it. But I work a lot right now - 2 jobs. My full time social work job is pretty flexible and the agency is willing to work with me concerning daycare for any kids placed with me. But my part time job is not very flexible and the hours are not conducive to single parenting (working until 10pm and weekends).

Mostly, I just expected more time to work out the details!

So, right now I'm trying to figure things out. I'm desperately trying to find a new job that would allow me to quit the second job - or find a second job that is more flexible. I have some friends that would probably be able to help with child care - but I haven't even told them that I was considering this idea yet! They know I've wanted to do foster care before - but this is going to be a little out of the blue anyways. But now I'm feeling a little anxious about telling anyone because I tried talking to my mother about it and she wasn't very supportive... at all. She understands my desire to do this kind of service - but she just doesn't think that I'm in the best place in my life to do it. I understand her rationale... but I still want to do it.

See what I mean? Surreality.

A Red Peg in a Blue Hole

I've already outed myself on Twitter. But just in case anyone missed it over the weekend:

I'm a conservative.

A bonafide Republican.

I campaigned for McCain.

I am putting it out here because part of the reason for starting this new blog was so that I could be more open, real and honest.

And, to be honest, I'm not really able to be that open about my political views in my real life. Of course, my friends know - but I work in social work, I live in Chicago - most disagree with me!

I clearly remember the first time that I became acutely aware of how differences in political opinions can affect relationships. I was sitting at the lunch table at my first social work job, it was the month before the 2004 Presidential Elections. The assistant director was talking about a conversation that she had the night before with her 12 year old daughter.

"Sarah asked me last night what the difference was between Democrats and Republicans..."

"I told her Democrats care about people - Republicans don't."

Somehow I had missed the memo that being a conservative meant that I didn't care about people. Someone had forgotten to warn me that in order to be a good social worker, I must become a liberal. Somewhere along the way, this Republican had slipped through the cracks and gotten her degree in social work.

It would not be the last time that everyone assumed that I was a liberal and said something ignorant and hurtful in my presence. But I can say its gotten a lot easier to hear and I don't take it too personally. Most people are quick to apologize when they find out that I am not a democrat. Then they use qualifying statements, "Republicans don't care about people... well, most republicans... you aren't like most conservatives Rachel!"

Um, okay... thanks?

*sigh*

I generally assume that I am the only conservative in a room when I am at work. It took me quite a while to be comfortable enough to reveal my political views at my last job. I have yet to tell anyone at my current job. My agency is heavily allied with the democratic party in Illinois - I get regular emails encouraging me to participate or act on an issue in order to further the liberal agenda in regards to the state budget. I find it annoying that only one side of the issue is being pushed - but not enough to risk losing my job.

And right now I have to hear all the excitement about the new Healthcare Bill being passed. And mostly, I just smile and nod... and quickly walk away. Not just because I don't agree with the bill - but because if I stick around long enough, the talk will often turn to putting down the GOP and the evil, hateful, racist conservatives that don't care about anyone.

It is not in my nature to shut up and walk away. And so I find myself jumping to defend the issue on a couple friends' Facebook pages, or venting to my mom, or just being irritable.

So, that's pretty much what this post boils down to...

I'm a Republican.

And I care about people.

Witness Protection Program

I love my father, I really do. We've come a long way in our relationship. More importantly, I've come a long way in understanding his limitations and setting boundaries for myself. But sometimes, I still think the only way to deal is to enter the witness protection program.

Yesterday I got an two emails, which came over my Crackberry, that definitely sent me to that mindset. The first email was a forwarded flight itinerary - it indicated that my dad and his new wife are coming to visit in late April. The second email said, "I forgot to mention something on the phone the other day... ".

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!

Why in the heck does ANYONE think it is appropriate to make travel plans AND BOOK PLANE TICKETS without speaking with the intended visitee first?! I truly don't mind them coming to visit but it really makes me mad that he does it with asking me first. It is just one more slap in the face that my wants, needs, and feelings are not important to him. Not only are they not important - I honestly don't think he even considers it, that it even crosses his mind. And THAT is the part I cannot help but respond to - even though I know that this is a long standing, unchangeable facet of our relationship.

This is sadly one of those times when I can not expect to change his behavior. I desperately wish that we could have a genuine, productive conversation that wouldn't deteriorate into accusations and manipulations.

But expectations like that only result in our relationship being damaged and my emotions being trampled all over. In cases like this, I must accept that I can not control his behavior. I can only control my response to it. I can only set up boundaries that will hopefully reinforce that my wants and needs are important - even if I'm the only one who gets that message.


I was already planning to take myself on vacation sometime in April/May. I guess now I've picked the weekend.

Cursed

So, for a brief moment tonight I was completely ecstatic about my tax returns.

They are really good this year.

Really good.

I even sent out a Tweet about how excited I was about them! I mean, if you saw what the

beginning of Friday was like for me, you'd understand.

But then I remembered the curse.

The curse of my tax return money.

Don't believe me? Think I'm exaggerating?

Three years ago,

shortly after receiving my returns, my computer crashed and I had to buy a new one. Not a huge deal - but not what I had planned.

Two years ago,

I had big plans to save my return money because I was really struggling financially. (And lets be honest here, I still am!) But less than a month after it was deposited into my bank account, my roommate bailed on me and I ended up using every penny to get out of my lease and move to a new place.

Last year,

I had noticed the pattern and actually posted "Just deposited my tax returns into the bank, now waiting for the other shoe to drop" on my facebook status. And within 24 HOURS I was involved in a car accident that cost me pretty much the entire amount.

This is seriously how my life works.

I deleted the Tweet - this is nothing to mess with here.

I am not even kidding.

Does anyone want my tax return money? I think I'm better off without it.